The Wall

Oops. Plans to report back on relative costs of offset printing as opposed to Print On Demand have gone a little awry. It’s a time thing; it’s a child off school thing; probably it’s a summer sun, nearly-going-on-holiday thing  … I promise it’s not a hangover from last week’s blog thing (see “Kerching!”). But if I’m honest, it’s mostly a hitting the wall thing.

I knew it would happen at some stage and in some ways it’s quite incredible that it hasn’t happened sooner, but it’s hit hard and I’ve fallen into that pit of writer-ly despair connected to “why am I doing this?”, “why don’t I just go and have fun instead of trying to write a book and get it published?”.

Can you tell that I’ve started work on editing the manuscript?

Yes, I have. And somehow I’ve hit a major wall of self-doubt and anxiety.

It’ll pass, I know, been here before, got a T-shirt in all the colours including dirty grey, but it doesn’t get any easier with repetition. If anything it seems to get more difficult because more time has gone past and the cycle is still the same.

This time, I’ve become consumed with the idea that I haven’t actually written the book I originally set out to write – in some ways it’s there, but in others it’s … missing. Maybe lost on the cutting-room floor of countless past edits, or maybe I never quite managed to pin it down at all and it’s still buzzing round my head without actually ever having made it onto the computer.

It’ll pass – it does. And mostly I think what I need is a clear day with the manuscript, characters and ideas. I know where it I want to take it, but need to see how it’ll get there.

So – apologies if you logged in expecting some enlightenment on offset printing but I have no light to offer (I’ll take people’s word that it’s at the end of the tunnel).

I’m off on holiday, hoping to have some time to commune with my writing, certainly expecting to rest and breathe. And as I’m heading to Austria, it seems right that I should end by saying … “I’ll be back” …

… in September, likely with a summing up of where things have got to so far …

Larisa x


2 thoughts on “The Wall

  1. Thanks for this Larisa. I got to say if your book is written as well as your blog posts it must be pretty good! Anyway, a good holiday is probably just what you need to get back on track. All best Jackie

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